I set my cat’s ass on fire!

(actual pic of my actual cat, Junior, but the flames are kinda fake ’cause there was no time to take pics}

I set my cat’s ass on fire just the other night. I didn’t mean to, but I was kicked-back on the couch, and the cat was right above me, sleeping on the back of it and I suddenly had a FLEA! on my upper arm. I HATE FLEAS!!! I haven’t seen one for months — ever since moving from the old dump into the new old dump™ — so I suspect there were maybe some eggs from the old dump hiding in the vacuum cleaner bag.

So I carefully reached for my bic lighter (the best way to kill them, BTW, if they are on you), but before I could reach it with the flame it had jumped off, presumably onto the cat, so I just followed it with the bic still going and touched it to the cat’s ass. Just for a split second. It doesn’t even hurt when you do that to yourself, and it kills the flea dead, right now.

It’s amazing how fast a cat’s ass will catch on fire. Immediately there was a patch the size of a quarter with flames about 1 – 1½ inches high. I probably yelled something like “HOLY SH*T”! ’cause the cat lifted up his head, looked back over his shoulder, and had this look that said, “Oh look, my ass is on fire… yawn…”, then plopped his head back down and went back to sleep. It’s good that he did because if he’d panicked and run off there could have been some real damage. As it was, I just squelched it with my hand and the whole episode could’t have lasted more than two seconds, tops. It’s a shame there was no time to take pictures, because it was truly a sight to see, but there just wasn’t time, dammit!

P.S. In case anybody’s wondering, the answer is: Yes, there may have been a teeency, weeency bit of alcohol involved, but it’s not like I was driving, or anything. I was just setting my cat’s ass on fire!
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P.P.S. And the cat is just fine. I can’t even find the spot where it happened 3 days ago. He went right back to sleep and all was well (whew!).

Every Now and Then…

Every now and then I think we all need to be reminded what Rock & Roll was, and what it was all about.

Here’s a little guy in an elf suit, and he comes out and kicks some serious ass!

Rick Derringer: Rock and Roll Hootchchie Koo! Click on the pic.

Just When I Thought I’d Seen Everything,,,

flying cat

Some guys’ cat got run-over by a car, so he had it stuffed and turned it into a  remote-controlled helicopter. I mean, why not? Sounds reasonable to me. Here’s the article.

Now I  want one! I want a remote-controlled Kitty-Kopter™. Is that too much to ask? I shall pray now. It will probably go something like this: Dear Jesus, I know you’re busy… what with all the wars and the poverty, and the starvation and stuff. And all the diseases, and the cancer, and the bugs, and a couple of whiny cocksuckers who are upset because they can’t get legally married, and shit like that, but could I please, please have a Kitty-Kopter™? Thank you, Man. Amen.

P.S. I already have a grey tabby cat who looks just like this one, and she’s starting to get on my nerves.

End Racial Profiling Now!

It’s a terribly unfair practice, even if they’re guilty as hell. It needs to end now!

The World’s Greatest Guitar Solo EVAR!!!

The guitar solo used to be required fare for any hit song to ‘make it’. Today? Not so much. With all these here computers, and click a button and everything, today’s youth don’t seem to realize that they’re standing on the shoulders of giants who already did all their hard work for them. Here’s just a few of my favorites…

All Along The Watchtower— Jimi Hendrix

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2bYJQFQMs8

It’s hard to argue with this one. Almost the whole song is a guitar solo, and not a bad one at that. You can even hear Dave Mason playing rhythm guitar in the background. If it ever gets any better than that, wake me up and turn-up the stereo, dood!

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Next up: Carlos Santana — Black Magic Woman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10gH-bC3iXo

Most people don’t know that this was, originally, a Fleetwood Mac song. It went nowhere till Carlos Santana got aholt of it.

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Moving along…

Here’s a bit of pop fluff from the 80’s that is, basically, a happy, dappy songy thing. But when Elliot Easton cuts loose on the guitar, gather-up the the children and tie down the hounds! He did everything to that guitar except f**k it in the a**!

The Cars — Tonight She Comes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64je1QF3V9k

I like the part in the video where he, basically, throws the guitar away after the solo. I don’t blame him. That guitar had already just lived the best part of it’s entire life. Almost nobody knows this guys name, but he deserves a nice comfortable place in rock history.

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I’m sure I forgot a few (Mark Knophler almost needs his own category), so please feel free to contribute your faves, if you have any. Kurt Cobain doesn’t count. I’m talking about real guitar slingers here.

Now get off my lawn, you little whippersnappers!

*Holy Update, Batman!*

I completely forgot this one! Sh*t! This is Eddie Hazel of Funkadelic playing Maggot Brain. I actually knew Eddie, and spent many, many hours playing guitar with him. He was a great guy. Had the patience to put up with a guitarded white boy like me. RIP Eddie Hazel. You’re not forgotten.

Man Arrested for DWI with Zebra, Parrot in Front Seat of Truck

I couldn’t make this sh*t up.

My only question is: Which one was driving?

The Worst Headline I Have Ever Read In All Of History

Sorry about this:

Flesh-Eating Bacteria Consumed Man’s Penis

I told you it was bad. If you insist on reading all about it, here’s the article.

Strangely enough, on the left side of that page is this article, so maybe all is not lost, after all.

Argentina Passes Transgender Rights Law

See? It’s win-win! Yay!