Posts from the ‘My Random Reviews of Everything’ Category

My random reviews of everything #006: the stranger (1946)

This is Film Noir at its finest. Great cast, great director (Orson Welles, who also stars as The Bad Guy), but what I really wanted to mention is this lady: Loretta Young.  

If God ever made a babe-ier babe than Loretta Young, He must have kept her for Himself, and she wasn’t even all that young when she made this movie. I remember seeing her TV show in the late 1950’s, and even tho I hadn’t reached puberty yet, I recall having some ‘feelings’, ‘down there’ while watching it, if you know what I mean. She also delivered an outstanding performance in this film, but I don’t care. She was just great to look at.

She’d already had a ‘secret’ baby with Clark Gable by the time this one was made, stuck the little bastard unfortunate in an Orphanage and then ‘adopted’ it back a few years later. Everybody in Hollywood knew about it (she developed a mysterious ‘illness’ in 1936 and went to Europe to have the kid), but the resulting daughter didn’t even know about it until she was 23-years-old.

Watch this movie. The end scenes where The Bad Guy ‘gets it’ are worth the price of admission alone. Some of the best ever. Alfred Hitchcock would have been jealous (and probably was). You can see it on Netflix Instant Watch right now. There’s even a free trial. And I’m not being paid to say this. Yet.

RIP: Loretta Young 1913 – 2000. Best Actress Oscar: The Farmer’s Daughter, several Emmys, etc., etc. An incredible beauty, gifted performer and a genuine class act.

Interesting tidbit: Country Music great, Loretta Lynn was named after her.

My Random Reviews of Everything #002 – The Bible

I was down at the Senior Center thrift store a while back and they have a ton of old VHS tapes for a buck*, so I got a couple. One of them was The Bible from 1966. Directed by John Houston, cast of thousands, epic Old Testament stuff, etc. I’d only seen it once, about 40 years ago, and it looked like a good way to kill a few hours.

I thought it held up well, and the special effects were top-notch, especially for 1966. I give it 4½ stars.

One part cracked me up — although I don’t think it was really meant  to be funny — it’s the part where Abraham and his family, servants, etc. are camped all-up in the desert when these three strangers rolled-up on they crib. Turns out it was God and His posse of a couple of Angels that He was hangin’ with at the time.

God told Abraham that He was going to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah because they was so wicked… (kinda like San Francisco/Oakland today). And Abraham asked, but what about the righteous there? And God said, if you can find 50 righteous there, I’ll spare the cities. And Abraham came back with, how about 45? And God said, Ok, 45 then. Feeling himself on a roll, Abraham continued to, literally, Jew God down (sorry, but that’s what he did) all the way to 20 . He tried for 10, but God didn’t answer, other than to shrug his shoulders and throw His hands up in a gesture that was later translated to mean, Oy!

God then headed out into the desert with His Homies in the direction of Sodom and Gomorrah, and we all know what happened after that. Now He did send the Angels to go fetch Lot and his fambly, ’cause they was still righteous, but the Angels were so fine that They almost got kidnapped by the degenerates living in the meth lab next door to Lot.

So Lot offered the tweakers his two fine young virgin daughters to let the Homies go, and this distracted them long enough for the Homies to whup out They .40s and bust some serious caps in they scabby asses, ’cause that was just how the Homies rolled back then.

Some cracka’ even busted some rhymes about it…

Hand Of The Almighty ♫  by John R. Butler (NSFW!)

Ya’ll been warned!

* (And, curiously enough, you can also buy the CD download of Hog Whitman’s Not Sold In Stores for only a buck right here!)

**(somewhat loosely translated for the better understanding of /by the ‘yutes’ of today)**

My Random Reviews of Everything #001 – The Guard

This is a new category that condenses several others together so as not to make me any more confuseder than I already am. Let’s start it off with a movie I just watched…

The Guard

Just rented this from Redbox and (as an aside), even though I’m not getting paid to say this (yet), I highly recommend Redbox’ online reservation doohickey. Once you’ve registered, it’s a click-click thing to reserve whatever they have going, and then you find where the nearest machine that has it is at. Or maybe I have that backwards. You find where it is, and then you reserve it. Whatever. It’s also twenty cents cheaper that way.

Anyway, it saves a lot of time, not to mention the standing at the kiosk in the cold, trying to find a movie you might want to rent, while the line behind you grows longer and more irritable. I know. I’ve been in that line. The one where the overindulgent grandma in front of you has a couple of  her precious little grandbrats with her who can’t decide whether to watch Bob the Gay-Assed Penguin or Die Hamster Die!  #6 — The Return of the  Redrum Rodent! And grandma’s more than happy to let the little bastards  snowflakes endlessly argue about it, completely oblivious to the fact that there are other people in the world who might want to rent a frikkin’ movie… grrrrr!

I’m sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, The Guard (trailer), starring Brendon Gleeson and Don Cheadle. Black humor at its best. It’s funny as hell. Rent it.

*And for the same price as a one-time movie rental you can own the whole Hog Whitman Not Sold In Stores CD download for only $1 buck!*