Posts from the ‘Funny Cats’ Category

I set my cat’s ass on fire!

(actual pic of my actual cat, Junior, but the flames are kinda fake ’cause there was no time to take pics}

I set my cat’s ass on fire just the other night. I didn’t mean to, but I was kicked-back on the couch, and the cat was right above me, sleeping on the back of it and I suddenly had a FLEA! on my upper arm. I HATE FLEAS!!! I haven’t seen one for months — ever since moving from the old dump into the new old dump™ — so I suspect there were maybe some eggs from the old dump hiding in the vacuum cleaner bag.

So I carefully reached for my bic lighter (the best way to kill them, BTW, if they are on you), but before I could reach it with the flame it had jumped off, presumably onto the cat, so I just followed it with the bic still going and touched it to the cat’s ass. Just for a split second. It doesn’t even hurt when you do that to yourself, and it kills the flea dead, right now.

It’s amazing how fast a cat’s ass will catch on fire. Immediately there was a patch the size of a quarter with flames about 1 – 1½ inches high. I probably yelled something like “HOLY SH*T”! ’cause the cat lifted up his head, looked back over his shoulder, and had this look that said, “Oh look, my ass is on fire… yawn…”, then plopped his head back down and went back to sleep. It’s good that he did because if he’d panicked and run off there could have been some real damage. As it was, I just squelched it with my hand and the whole episode could’t have lasted more than two seconds, tops. It’s a shame there was no time to take pictures, because it was truly a sight to see, but there just wasn’t time, dammit!

P.S. In case anybody’s wondering, the answer is: Yes, there may have been a teeency, weeency bit of alcohol involved, but it’s not like I was driving, or anything. I was just setting my cat’s ass on fire!
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P.P.S. And the cat is just fine. I can’t even find the spot where it happened 3 days ago. He went right back to sleep and all was well (whew!).

Just When I Thought I’d Seen Everything,,,

flying cat

Some guys’ cat got run-over by a car, so he had it stuffed and turned it into a  remote-controlled helicopter. I mean, why not? Sounds reasonable to me. Here’s the article.

Now I  want one! I want a remote-controlled Kitty-Kopter™. Is that too much to ask? I shall pray now. It will probably go something like this: Dear Jesus, I know you’re busy… what with all the wars and the poverty, and the starvation and stuff. And all the diseases, and the cancer, and the bugs, and a couple of whiny cocksuckers who are upset because they can’t get legally married, and shit like that, but could I please, please have a Kitty-Kopter™? Thank you, Man. Amen.

P.S. I already have a grey tabby cat who looks just like this one, and she’s starting to get on my nerves.

pardon me while I get emotional…

Sniff… I know exactly how she feels… sob.

this is wrong. this is just wrong.

I’ve put this up before, but Youtube keeps taking it down. I have no idea why.

dem damn katz again…

I can’t help it. They’re just so gaddamn cute. Am I gay?

They’re so cute when they’re young!

And it’s all downhill from there. Too bad you couldn’t recycle your kitten every year. That would be cool. That way they would always be cute. You could send them to a recycling center where they would grind them up into polar bear snacks, or something. Relax. I’m kidding.

Actually, Wifey is going to get a new kitten today. She may already have it by now. I can hardly wait.

more damn talking cats

I don’t know what it is about these things. I must have a weakness for them. Meow.