Posts from the ‘Animals’ Category

I set my cat’s ass on fire!

(actual pic of my actual cat, Junior, but the flames are kinda fake ’cause there was no time to take pics}

I set my cat’s ass on fire just the other night. I didn’t mean to, but I was kicked-back on the couch, and the cat was right above me, sleeping on the back of it and I suddenly had a FLEA! on my upper arm. I HATE FLEAS!!! I haven’t seen one for months — ever since moving from the old dump into the new old dump™ — so I suspect there were maybe some eggs from the old dump hiding in the vacuum cleaner bag.

So I carefully reached for my bic lighter (the best way to kill them, BTW, if they are on you), but before I could reach it with the flame it had jumped off, presumably onto the cat, so I just followed it with the bic still going and touched it to the cat’s ass. Just for a split second. It doesn’t even hurt when you do that to yourself, and it kills the flea dead, right now.

It’s amazing how fast a cat’s ass will catch on fire. Immediately there was a patch the size of a quarter with flames about 1 – 1½ inches high. I probably yelled something like “HOLY SH*T”! ’cause the cat lifted up his head, looked back over his shoulder, and had this look that said, “Oh look, my ass is on fire… yawn…”, then plopped his head back down and went back to sleep. It’s good that he did because if he’d panicked and run off there could have been some real damage. As it was, I just squelched it with my hand and the whole episode could’t have lasted more than two seconds, tops. It’s a shame there was no time to take pictures, because it was truly a sight to see, but there just wasn’t time, dammit!

P.S. In case anybody’s wondering, the answer is: Yes, there may have been a teeency, weeency bit of alcohol involved, but it’s not like I was driving, or anything. I was just setting my cat’s ass on fire!
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P.P.S. And the cat is just fine. I can’t even find the spot where it happened 3 days ago. He went right back to sleep and all was well (whew!).
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Just When I Thought I’d Seen Everything,,,

flying cat

Some guys’ cat got run-over by a car, so he had it stuffed and turned it into a  remote-controlled helicopter. I mean, why not? Sounds reasonable to me. Here’s the article.

Now I  want one! I want a remote-controlled Kitty-Kopter™. Is that too much to ask? I shall pray now. It will probably go something like this: Dear Jesus, I know you’re busy… what with all the wars and the poverty, and the starvation and stuff. And all the diseases, and the cancer, and the bugs, and a couple of whiny cocksuckers who are upset because they can’t get legally married, and shit like that, but could I please, please have a Kitty-Kopter™? Thank you, Man. Amen.

P.S. I already have a grey tabby cat who looks just like this one, and she’s starting to get on my nerves.

Man Arrested for DWI with Zebra, Parrot in Front Seat of Truck

I couldn’t make this sh*t up.

My only question is: Which one was driving?

Florida man mistakes girlfriend for hog, shoots her

Hey, sometimes the headline speaks for itself. Of course, I couldn’t just leave it at that. I had to add a visual.


(not an actual pic of the actual girlfriend, who is listed in ‘serious’ condition)

Official White House Pfotograph

Well, at least it started as ‘Official’ till some scurvy dog defiled it!

Damned Infidels!

Golden Browned Retriever… Yum!

Just in case you missed the news, here’s the article from ABC, talking  ’bout how Obama likes eatin’ him some dog, dawg. Normally, I wouldn’t post anything from them, but Jake Tapper wrote this one, and since he’s ABC’s only honest journalist, up it goes!

All I know is something must taste mighty good at the White House…

Which reminds me, has anyone seen that Taco Bell chihuahua lately? Heven’t seen him for about, oh, 3½ years now. Whut up wit dat?

Anybody up for some Chow Chow Mein? How’s about some Bernaise Mountain Dog? Pugs in a Blanket? Beagles and cream cheese?

Yanno, if this keeps up,  Obama could be hounded from office… with his tail between his legs! Ba-dump… tish!

Woof!

Chickens Wearing Sweaters

I have now, officially, seen everything. They’re not just for dinner anymore, folks. Too bizarre to not post…

Many more here… http://http://www.buzzfeed.com/babymantis/20-pictures-of-chickens-wearing-sweaters-1opu