My wife, the Master Criminal, got a call from her old friend “June” last night, and when I say “old” I mean about 85-years-old. Her health has been deteriorating to the point where June’s son and daughter-in-law have taken over her affairs, sold her house and possessions and interned her in a group home. Not an ‘assisted living facility’ but more like an adult foster home. I guess they didn’t want to shell-out for a nicer place. Whatever. None of my business.

But here’s what really chaps my ass. June has been a smoker all her life and her daughter-in-law, who is a nurse of some kind, has decided that June can no longer smoke. Just like that. “It might give her cancer” is what she told Wifey. Still, June craves the evil weed and Wifey has been sneaking her cigarettes whenever she goes to visit her. The Evil DIL has become wise to this and has searched for, and found and confiscated the cigarettes from the poor old gal — taking away her one last pleasure and comfort in life. She even had the nerve to call Wifey and tell her to stop sneaking cigs to June.

So when June called last night, practically begging Wifey to come visit and bring some cigs, Wifey’s brain started spinning (I could actually hear it spinning), and she concocted her Master Criminal Plan™ to beat any future shakedowns  and confiscations by the Evil DIL.

This is the result. Naturally, I was tasked with the actual making of the contraband container, but I didn’t mind. For one thing, I agreed that something needed to be done, and for another, I didn’t want the wife cutting herself. So now I’m her henchman. Her cohort. Her partner in crime.

I was a little queasy about cutting up a Bible, even though I’m not the religious type, but, as Wifey pointed out, it’s not really a Bible but more of an interpretation/excerpts into modern lexicon instead of the practically unreadable King James III version. I just hope Jesus doesn’t get pissed-off.

We’ll see how long this works. If it gets busted, we’ll just have to come up with something better. It could be fun!

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