Sh*t! I knew this was the perfect ‘Fair Food’! I found this on them youtubes a couple of years ago, and then I figgered out a recipe for it, and it was just so Dayum! good, and exquisitely tacky at the same time, that I knew it would make for the best, indulgent, artery-clogging, Fair-type-treat in the whole of the U.S. of A.  Now it’s Texas State Fair Champion! Hell yeah! (and I’m not even from close to Texas) Here’s the original video…

I even went so far as borrowing a commercial deep-fryer from a restaurant owner friend, and preparing myself, and the Trusty Wife-Like Unit™, to embark on a season of weekend (or better) jaunts to various fairs, festivals, etc., and peddle the symbol of decadence that this dish represents. Really. What stopped me was talking to a lady who’d done the same basic thing for years, and who now owned a profitable drinking establishment (I was only there for the research). She told me to just stay away from the whole idea unless I had a bunch of extra hair to tear out. Oh well. Guess I shoulda followed my ‘dream’ on that one. Or not. 

Here’s the recipe I came up with back then… 

Chicken Fried Bacon
[Disclaimer: If you die from eating this, don’t blame me]I’ve already made this a couple of times and it’s every bit as decadently delicious as it looks. I probably don’t have long to live now, but I’m going to use my last few halting heartbeats to help you make it for yourselves. Who cares about you baby? That’s right, Hog Whitman. Me. Be sure and buy my CD before trying this. That way, if you die first, I already have your money.First: Watch the video. It shows the basic process so there’s no need for me to repeat it here. Don’t worry, you don’t need a deep-fryer. A large skillet works fine — just be generous with the bacon grease you’re going to fry it in. I suppose you could use some kind of healthier vegetable oil, or something, but where would be the fun in that? You’re going to die anyway. Turn the burner up to about 4-4.5Batter:In a large bowl, toss in about 3/4 cup corn meal and 1/4 cup white flour. Now crack an egg into it. Mix it up. It should make a lumpy blob that could be used as the monster in an old sci-fi movie. Now crack-open a beer. Any kind will do, but I’m kinda partial to cheap beer myself. Slowly pour the beer into the bowl while stirring until it gets to about the consistency you see in the video. A little thicker won’t hurt. A little salt and pepper won’t hurt either. Drink the rest of the beer, or save it for that homeless guy who’s always begging for money on the freeway offramp. You’ll have a new friend.Schlop the thick-sliced bacon into the batter and then flop it around in white flour. Like in the video. Carefully lay the bacon into the heated pan for about 2 minutes. It’s almost impossible to screw this up. When it’s golden brown, turn it over. Same for the other side.Sausage gravy dipping sauce*Slice open a **Johnsonville Beer Brat™, peel the skin off. If you’re really kinky, or something, save it for later. Otherwise, eat it raw. I’m kidding. Uncooked pork is bad for you. Don’t eat it. Chop-up the sausage and toss it into a hot frying pan (med) — fry while stirring till it’s good and brown. Toss-in about a tablespoon of flour and stir it all up real good. I laughed while I wrote that. Cook about a minute more and then add a cup of milk. Let it boil for about a minute while stirring. You’re done.*if you just don’t like gravy, want to get really kinky, or just want to cut-down on the calories (riiiiight), use **Mrs Butterworth’s™ pancake syrup for dipping. I’m not kidding. It’s like eating french toast and bacon, smothered in syrup. I need help. I know that now. Put me in your will so I can get the help I need. Think of the children. The really fat ones. **These are all un-paid endorsements. Use whatever brands of stuff you want. These are just my current favorites. I shouldn’t have to tell you that. Don’t let it happen again.   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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